A Sudden Change of Season

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“In the time we’ve known I have cancer, how many people have you told?”

“Well, it’s … a private matter,” she struggled in response.

“How many?” he asked again.

Deidra swallowed deep and answered, “No one.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s a private family matter,” she repeated.

“No, it’s more than that,” Griffin argued. “My cancer is a blemish on your perfect life.”

“What?”

“Please don’t deny it. All the signs are there. I’ve watched you all week, listening to everything you’ve said to your friends. I overheard you telling them that we’re going on an extended cruise which just happens to be at the same time you want me to seek treatment in Texas instead of with doctors at home.”

Flushed with shame and embarrassment, Deidra didn’t know how to respond to this. Conflicted in wanting to continue this charade, Griffin further complicated this by asking, “What’s going to happen when I die? Then what are you going to tell them?”

With her body trembling, Deidra answered, “You aren’t going to die. You and I are going to Texas for your cancer treatment … and then everything will be—”

“Perfect,” he interrupted. Brushing a tear away from his eye, Griffin’s chin quivered as he apologized, “I’m sorry I’ve ruined everything for you … but I’m not going to fight this.”

“Why?” she quietly demanded.

Griffin shifted his weight as he looked away and answered, “Because … I’d be doing it alone.”

“I promise I’ll be right there by your side.”

He awkwardly glanced down and responded, “Only in body … but not in any other way.” Cradling his chin with his hand, he continued, “I love you … and it hurts knowing you won’t say it back. I see you sitting here in front of me … but you’re not really here. You’re hiding behind invisible walls I can’t break through. I miss you. It’s been ten years since the last time we made love. I can’t even remember the last time you kissed me or even held my hand. Every night when I lay next to you, you roll over and fall asleep … and I keep asking myself what I’m doing wrong.” Sadly smiling,

Griffin then unbuttoned his white linen shirt, exposing his chest and stomach to her. “Come over here and touch me. Take hold of my hand and then press your lips to mine. Make me believe you’re in love with me. Please,” he begged.

Stunned by this, Deidra felt paralyzed to move which prompted him to exhale deeply before saying, “That’s what I thought. Good night.” And as he reached the staircase, Griffin turned toward her and added, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for whatever it was that I did to you. I really am.”

Once the bedroom door closed, Deidra finally mumbled, “So am I,” before she burst into tears.