Fictional BDSM versus Real-Life BDSM by Jennifer Denys

Eighteen months ago I did a series of posts on my blog on this subject after a Dom emailed to say how much he liked one of my BDSM books and how accurate it was.

This led to a series of conversations with him on the subject. The comments below are not necessarily always related to BDSM—they can be relevant to any romance, erotic or otherwise!

In ‘Kink After Dinner’ which is released by Luminosity on 5 September, I debunk some fictional BDSM myths.

1. Fiction: The hero is a billionaire/CEO of a large company/a Prince/very rich

Real-life: They may be – but I wouldn’t count on it. But you can see how these types of people are chosen to be the hero as you have to be pretty strong-willed in order to run your own company or a kingdom. Having said that, the two Doms that I know well both run (or have run) their own companies. So maybe there is something in it after all.

In ‘Kink After Dinner’ the husband is an accountant (and even, Beth, the heroine, calls him ‘boring’!). But is he?

2. Fiction: The Dominant and the Submissive always fall in love with each other

Real-life: Well, of course they do IN ROMANCE BOOKS. It wouldn’t be a romance otherwise. In real life many people undertaking this lifestyle are not necessarily looking for Mr/Miss Right – they are doing it because they want to explore their sexuality and have some fun. And I am aware of several Doms who actually have a normal family life where the wife is not into the life – and may not know about their husband’s undertakings. I found it quite shocking when I first discovered this. But that’s between them and their wives!

In ‘Kink After Dinner’ the heroine, Beth, has a lover. But does her husband know about her activities…?

3. Fiction: The submissive always enjoys being whipped/flogged/cropped/ paddled/spanked

Real-life: Some people do, some people don’t, some people take a while to get used to it. And there may not be any instant reaction with the clit throbbing immediately they are hit!

In ‘Kink After Dinner’ Beth makes a comment that she never gets any feelings of arousal or throbbing, etc, – although her body reacts by squirting. What she does enjoy is being sexually dominated and restrained. So what happens to her in the book….?

4. Fiction: BDSM activities have to take place in a club

Real-life: Not so. Many people undertake aspects of it in their own homes. (And many people may undertake only one part of it, eg, bondage but not sadomasochism).

In ‘Kink After Dinner’ Beth has the problems of having a teenage daughter in the house and having to hide her activities but occasionally goes away to a venue that hosts BDSM events. So where does she go this time…?

5. Fiction: The hero is always handsome and hunky and the heroine beautiful with a fabulous figure

Real-life: *sigh* if only! But the readers are usually women who like to be taken out of their lives and fantasise about a different life. They will put themselves in the shoes of the heroine usually, so they want the hero making love to them to be good looking and themselves to be gorgeous.

‘In Kink After Dinner’ I tried to make them fairly normal, but I copped out and made the hero handsome with a full head of hair and the heroine lovely (but the secondary characters include a Dom who is shorter than his submissive, and bald, and his submissive being thin). But Beth also had middle aged body issues…!

6. Fiction: The main characters are always young – twenties or thirties usually

Real-life: Many are as it is part of growing up and exploring your sexuality – although some try it out for a few sessions and then leave. But you can be of any age. One Dom told me of a submissive he knew of who was in her seventies.

In ‘Kink After Dinner’ I enjoyed writing about a hero and heroine who were my age (fifties) and taking up BDSM in their middle years. HOWEVER, I have found that books with older characters do not sell as well. The reader in her fantasies wants to fall in love all over again (without leaving/divorcing their current partner!) and this usually involves being young again. Hopefully my book will persuade you that older characters can be as much fun to read about as younger ones…!

7. Fiction: The Dom usually wears suits or leather, often black

Real-life: They may do. Whether in books or real-life this is a ‘power dressing’. Interestingly, other ‘power looks’ include tattoos, beards and piercings (the latter is not necessarily just for the submissive).

In ‘Kink After Dinner’ the hero wears a tux. I hadn’t actually stipulated that when writing it but added it in during edits after the lovely people at Luminosity put the hero in a tux on the cover and I loved it. It reminded me of all the old romantic comedies of the fifties and I, for one, cannot resist a handsome guy in a tux…!

8. Fiction: If the story is ménage it will most likely be one sub with two Doms

Real-life: It is more likely to be the other way round (a Dom with two or more subs) or a Dom may share his sub with others for the evening. However, readers want their heroine to be the focus of the Dom’s attention. She wants the Doms to fight over her, not having to fight another sub for the Dom!

In ‘Kink After Dinner’ I have included ‘swinging’, eg, couples who invite others into their bedrooms to have sex and at the end they go back to their original partners. No jealousy, no fights, just the chance to have great sexual fun! But chances are I will go back to having a submissive with two or more Doms in future books. Watch this space……….

If you want to read the full posts on my blog here is the link: HERE

You can find more about Jennifer Denys and her book Kink After Dinner by clicking the link below.

[product id=”1168″]